Fireflies
by weatheredlaw
Summary: Like some delicate, glowing creature, love has a strange way of letting us know it's there. Archived Fireflies series
1. Awkward

**A/N:** I love one-shots better than chapter fics. Expect a lot. From multiple fandoms.

**Summary:** Yugi had alway been awkwardly adorable -- Atem was just waiting for him to realize it.

**Awkward.**

There was something about the way he would quietly stumble. A small enough trip for no one to really realize it but Atem. The way his bangs would fall in front of his eyes and he tried to blow them out of the way, but couldn't. The way this hands gripped the pencil, his messy, boyish handwriting and lopsided grin. His tendency to switch words around in a sentence or babble on without ever making a point. The way his backpack was always unzipped, just a little bit. How he shoved papers into it and then had to pull them out, sheepishly pressing the crinkles down and handing it in with that small, apologetic smile. It was all so cute. So awkward and adorable. Yugi had been that way since they were children, amusing and entertaining Atem for over twelve years now. They were always in the same classes, without fail. The same homeroom since kindergarten, when Yugi had stumbled into the room, late, tripping over his own shoelaces. The class had erupted in laughter and so had Yugi. How he managed to be so well liked was beyond Atem. Any other awkward boy as small and timid and shy as Yugi would have been bullied by everyone, not just Joey and Tristan, who only teased Yugi because they couldn't be as confident as he. Jealousy. The kind that evolved into mutual respect and friendship. The level that Atem wanted to start on and then work his way up.

Yugi had always had something that enticed Atem. Something that made him want just a little bit more. It was probably the way his pants bagged a bit too much at his ankles, though they fit everywhere else. Or how his hair was messy and unkempt constantly. Or a thousand other things. Whatever it was, Atem knew that Yugi was something he wanted. Not to possess, but to hold very close and never let go. It was a feeling that scared him and drove him. Pushed him along to that fateful evening in the park when he ran into the small and awkward boy on the swingset, humming to himself and watching old couples feed pigeons.

"Hi Yugi."

"Oh. Hello Atem."

"What're you doing here?"

"Watching. I like the way that lady coos to the birds. She sounds like a car alarm, but they seem to enjoy it." Atem laughed and sat on the swing to join him.

"You've been in all my homeroom classes since we were five, do you know that?" Yugi nodded.

"I know. I started paying more attention in middle school when I realized that we'd been in elementary classes together for years." He laughed and sighed, watching the sun being its steady sink down below the clouds. "It's nice here, isn't it?" Atem nodded. "My grampa used to take me here when I was little, but then I grew up and thought swingsets were uncool. Now I don't have time to enjoy them and it's all I want."

"Life's funny that way, I guess."

"Yeah...it is." Yugi began to rock back and forth slowly, dragging his feet in the sand beneath the swing. Finally he kicked off his shoes, took off his socks and rolled his pants up. "It's cool when the sun goes down." Atem followed suit and they sat there that way, feet deep in the sand, steadily moving back and forth, watching the old woman finish feeding the birds and leave.

"Atem?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you here?" Atem shrugged.

"I don't know. I just...wanted to come to the park today."

"You didn't follow me here?" Taken aback, Atem looked at Yugi's face, the smaller boy's eyes still staring straight ahead.

"I-"

"It's okay. I saw you. I'm flattered, actually." Atem blushed a deep red and pulled his feet out of the sand.

"I should go..." Yugi frowned and looked at his own buried feet. "I'm sorry..."

"You can stay, I mean, I'm just going to be here alone for a while."

"No...I should go home." Yugi shrugged and watched the taller boy put on his shoes once more.

"Suit yourself." Atem nodded curtly and picked up his backpack. He walked away until Yugi's voice sounded in his ears. "Atem?" He turned around. "I like you, too, you know."

"Ah. Well. Er...okay." Yugi giggled and shook his head.

"Goodnight, Atem."

"'Night...Yugi." He moved away from the swingset, glancing back as Yugi continued to watch the sunset and then pull his own feet out of the sand, tripping as he did so. A small chuckle found its way to Atem's lips.

Yugi had always been awkwardly adorable...


	2. Recon

**A/N:** On my one-shot fix. XDD Still. Turning these little Yugi-Atem shots into a larger set.

**Summary: **He wasn't following him. Honestly.

**Recon**

Yugi looked around. That feeling was there again. That feeling that someone was following. A someone named Atem. He sighed and shook his head. The real question to him was not if it was strange that the boy was following him. It was funny, actually. Years and years had he and Atem been friends of some sort. Not the closest, not even good friends. Acquaintances was too weak a description, but he had never considered his look-alike to be a very good friend. Just someone he knew and could do a project with.

Certainly not the kind of person he expected to follow him.

It would have been embarrassing had Yugi not been the only person to know. Because he was. He thought that anyway. Most people didn't really pay much attention to Atem. He was quiet and smart and spoke only when he needed to. He didn't trip over his shoes or loose his lunch bag. He was a minor heart throb among the younger girls and seemed to be good friends with Duke, a dark headed boy who was a heart throb in and of his own right. He wasn't too large a blip on the social radar and that made it all the more interesting that he had suddenly chosen to follow Yugi around.

Smiling, he decided to play the game.

Ducking into a coffee shop, he ordered a tea and waited. Atem did not come in. But he saw his figure just quickly walk past the store, not even bothering to glance in. Another smile from Yugi. His tea was ready. He took off again.

Today he was going to the store to buy his grandfather oranges. Big fresh oranges to make juice with. There were a few smaller items on the list and he glanced at it as he entered the store. Atem followed him a few moments later, lingering in the frozen food section as Yugi perused the fruit. He grabbed a grapefruit for himself and went off to get bread and cough syrup.

Atem followed just far enough behind.

It wasn't as if he wasn't strange looking in the position he was in. He was following a twin around. People would get suspicious. Maybe point him out to Yugi. The taller boy considered this for a moment in the store as he stared from behind a magazine rack and watched Yugi pay. What had started as a mission to ask Yugi to lunch had become full on recon work. He fretted over this as he looked at a women's health magazine. When he glanced back up, Yugi was gone. "Shit." He set the magazine down, his arms hanging limply at his sides.

He was a coward. A fool and an idiot. He had come out with the purpose of extending the hand of friendship and maybe more and had ended up stalking the very person he was trying so hard not to drive away. However, he seemed lucky enough -- he thought Yugi didn't know and that was good. He could just pretend the day had never happened. Pretend that...oh who was he kidding. Yugi was smart and funny and would think he was a moron. Sighing, he walked out through the sliding glass doors and down the sidewalk.

Unlike Yugi, Atem did not have a sixth sense. He was too busy wondering why he became such a flake whenever Yugi was near to notice the very person he'd followed around all morning was trailing close behind _him_ now.

The tables had turned. Yugi smiled to himself and wondered how long it would be before Atem even noticed. He only had so much time that day. There was work to be done -- namely oranges to juice. But he could do this. For just a while, he could pretend that he was a spy, like he had when he was young. And he could pretend that this was not what he wanted to do. That Atem did not intrigue him just as much as he did the taller boy. He could lie to himself and say he wasn't interested. But of course, that would be a lie. And Yugi didn't often lie.

So he told himself the truth. He liked Atem. He had told him as much in the park the other day. But those kinds of things didn't mean much, did they? He didn't know.

Sighing, he realized that he wanted to be caught at this point and that Atem wasn't going to notice him anytime soon. So he gathered his wits and headed home.

Maybe he'd finish his own spy mission some other day. For now, there were oranges to juice.


	3. Frosting

**A/N:** This is part of the "Fireflies" series, which is what I've decided to call it. Part 3, enjoy.

**Summary: **A shared cupcake could constitute a date, couldn't it?

**Frosting**

They reached for it at the same time. The last cupcake in the bakery before closing, both so concentrated on grabbing the frosting, the cake and a warm cup of coffee. Without seeing one another. Atem's hand bumped Yugi's and their eyes met over the glass plate. The woman at the cash register smiled apologetically.

"Sorry boys, that's the last one." Atem drew his hand back quickly.

"S'okay." Yugi raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Thanks." A red flush rose up on Atem's neck as he payed for his coffee and quickly went into the corner of the bakery. The sun was setting and rain was slapping the windows quickly and steadily. He sipped the coffee, burning his tongue and cursing quickly.

"It says_ 'hot'_ on the cup," Yugi offered, sitting across from him, the previously desired cupcake on a plate, divided neatly in half. Atem blushed again and shrugged, pulling the lid off his drinking and adding more sugar to it. "I wanted you to have this. But then I realized I really wanted some. So I figured we could share it." Atem looked up from his sugaring activities, embarrassed.

"You don't have to. It's just a cupcake."

"No, I wanted to." He pushed the plate forward, already licking the icing off the top of his and chewing the soft cake thoughtfully. "You and I seem to run into one another at the strangest places lately. Here, the park, the grocery store." Atem's eyes widened behind his coffee cup. "Well, we didn't meet, but still. We were - oh, you didn't know I saw you?" Atem shook his head quickly and Yugi laughed happily and loudly, something rich and smooth.

"I...um, well."

"It's okay. I know. I followed you, too, but you didn't see me. You know, you can talk to me. You don't have to follow me _everywhere._"

"I didn't follow you here."

"Well! That's a start." The comment could have been construed as sarcastic, but Yugi's smile was so real and so wide, Atem knew he was serious.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I told you, I'm flattered. Now, coffee. _That's_ a good start. Coffee and delicious cupcakes." He popped the last bit of his in his mouth and smiled, wiping the chocolate around his mouth with a napkin and finishing off his coffee. Atem smiled and continued to eat his, slower. "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I need to get home. I was supposed to get some coffee beans and I got dessert instead." He grabbed his book bag and slung it over his shoulders. "I'll see you in school, okay?" Atem said something along the lines if _See you there_, but his mouth was full of cake and it came out muffled instead. Yugi smiled and waved, heading to the front to get coffee beans.

Atem watched him leave and looked at the empty plate where the last few crumbs of their dessert remained. He pressed them flat with his fingers and licked them off, suddenly realizing that he and Yugi had, without knowing it, just gone on a date. Sort of. Kind of. Confused, he threw the cups away and set the plate on the counter. The cashier waved goodbye. He returned the gesture absentmindedly.

Had it been a date? They had eaten together. Talked, albeit briefly. His "mission" from the week previously had been revealed, but Yugi hadn't seemed to mind. Sighing, he zipped up his jacket and raised his hood to protect him from the rain. If it wasn't a date, what would he call it?

In the end, he decided on cupdate.

For obvious reasons.


	4. Pride

**A/N:** More Yami/Atem goodness. They're so cute, aren't they?

**Summary: **It wasn't what it looked like, but that didn't stop him from being jealous.

**Pride**

Yugi finished alphabetizing the gaming manuals. Tea wiped the counter. They poked fun at one another for an hour or so as they unpacked boxes of cards and set them on their displays. They did the things friends did because that's what they were. Friends. He looked at her and smiled.

There was something about Tea Gardner that made her desirable. That made boys corner Yugi in the hall and ask him the secret to her heart. What they had to do, what they had to say. He tried to be honest with them. That Tea wasn't impressed by gifts or displays of masculinity. That what she wanted was a good and honest boy who could be what her family had never been: there for her.

She slipped the last package into its display and looked back. "Nice work," Yugi complimented.

"Well, I _am _rather good at finding a place for things." They laughed and continued cleaning. Yugi's grandfather was in the town over for the weekend, visiting a friend. He'd left Yugi in charge of the store. When Joey decided to shirk his responsibility and instead go with Tristan downtown to watch a wrestling match, Yugi had pleaded with Tea to help him. Reluctantly, she'd agreed, but the day had been slow and business had just barely trickled in during the morning, but began picking up by the afternoon. They ate lunch outside and teased one another about their choice of sandwich fixings.

"So." Tea looked at him with her _I know something is going on with you_ grin and folded her arms over her chest. "Atem."

"What about him?" Yugi asked, humoring her.

"He's obsessed with you. I know it."

"I do too," he said, feigning disinterest.

"I mean honestly Yugi. I think it's fairly obvious."

"Yes, it is. I've noticed myself, actually. We shared a cupcake the other day." She raised an eyebrow. "It was a platonic cupcake, I swear." She rolled her eyes. "What?"

"Come on. You can't tell me you aren't interested in this boy."

"Oh I am. It's just amusing to string him along for a bit."

"Why?" She looked genuinely hurt for a moment, as if feeling Atem's frustration. "Yugi Mutou, that's terrible. No one deserves that."

"Look. I really like Atem. He the silent, dark, and handsome type. I like that. But I'm just...not ready. Not yet." She smiled wisely. Tea had had her share of relationship disasters in her time. Her first real love, a boy their freshman year of highschool, had been a senior who'd taken everything from her and then ran off to college and was getting married next year. She was broken in places Yugi couldn't see and wouldn't let anyone know about.

"Well, when you are, you'll know. And when that time comes if you don't jump on him, I'm going to kill you." He laughed and shook his head, moving a latter up to a shelf to move some comic books around. "Let me do that. I'm taller."

"By four inches," he muttered. She shrugged and pushed him away from the latter and began to climb up.

Life is funny in the way it sets things up. A to B, then B to D, but D talked to C. It's strange.

Tea began climbing the latter as Atem crossed the street, ready to go into the game shop and ask Yugi on a proper date. Not a cupdate. He smiled to himself. Today would not go wrong. He would be brave and not a flake. He waited for the cars to cross the street. As he waited, Yugi held the old latter steady and warned Tea to watch herself. He began handing her some books to shelve. Atem crossed the street and squinted at the open sign. Tea lost her footing and dropped the books. She stumbled. Yugi instinctively stretched his arms out and prepared to catch her as Atem neared the store. She fell into Yugi and they collapsed on the floor, bursting into laughter, her legs straddling him awkwardly, their noses close. Atem opened the door. They stopped laughing and looked up. Silence rushed into the corners of the room. Atem narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"Hi!" Tea launched herself off of Yugi. "You're Atem, right? I'm Tea. Yugi's said only nice things about you," she said, smiling a bit too much and shaking from the fall still.

"Right." He took her hand carefully. Yugi was straightening out his clothes, looking sheepish and not meeting Atem's eyes. "Well, I...um."

"Did you need to-"

"No! No. No, it's...it's fine. I'm, uh, I actually don't...I gotta go." He walked quickly out of the store. Tea bit her lip.

"I think you should go talk to him."

"You think?" Yugi snapped, and rushed to follow him. "Atem!" He caught up, breathless, with the speeding figure. "Atem wait! Slow down!" He grabbed the boys jacket and pulled him around. "Stop! Let me-"

"No, you're fine. I was just going to say hi, really. I didn't mean to interrupt you guys and-"

"Atem. Tea and weren't doing anything."

"You don't have to lie," he said quietly.

"I'm not." Yugi looked at Atem staight in the eyes and repeated himself firmly. "I'm not lying. Tea's a very good friend who was helping me out while my grandfather's out of town and she fell off the latter and I caught her. That's all."

"That's all."

"Yes." Atem nodded. Yugi sighed and massaged his temples. "Look. I really enjoy playing cat and mouse as much as anyone else, but this is just ridiculous." Atem looked confused. "Do you want to go to dinner with me or not?"

That was not what was supposed to happen. Frustrated, Atem looked at the ground, blushing fiercely. No, _he _was supposed to be the one to ask _Yugi_ out. Not the other way around. His pride wounded, he looked up at the sky and closed his eyes. Yugi stood before him, and the rain that had been plaguing Domino City for two weeks decided to begin to fall. In moments, Yugi was drenched, the water soaking his clothes as Atem raised his jacket hood to protect him.

"No. I don't."

"You don't."

"No. I'll see you in school, Yugi." Yugi blinked and shook his head.

"Wait, you're serious."

"Yes. Good-bye." He turned and walked away, leaving Yugi soaking wet, confused, and a little broken hearted.


	5. Sleeves

**A/N: **Atem is such a douche. I'm sorry guys. That's just how he's coming out.

**Summary: **He wore his heart on his sleeve because his chest was too full.

**Sleeves**

Yugi sat in homeroom, contemplating Atem. The events of the previous weekend at left him high and dry. Figuratively anyway. He'd returned to the game shop soaked and sad.

"He said no." Tea wrapped her arms around him, not minding the rain, and made him go shower. She fixed coffee and they didn't talk about it. They closed the shop and watched Spanish television, replacing the dialog with their own and dissolving into fits of laughter, choking on creamy coffee. Tea only said one thing: "He just doesn't know, Yugi. He'll figure it out."

Sitting there in class, he watched the taller boy enter. They made brief eye contact and then looked away from one another. Atem was frustrated. His pride was wounded and he didn't want to look at Yugi. He didn't want to see him because he had ruined his plans. Ruined the way things were supposed to be. Tea caught his eye and fixed him with a steady gaze that caught him off guard. He felt dizzy for a moment and when he concentrated on her again, she was deep in conversation with Joey, Tristan, and Yugi, who was showing them a new card game the shop had gotten in. Sitting down, Atem felt the weight of the situation on his shoulders and concentrated on writing down the week's homework.

Tea and Yugi had silently agreed to not mention the weekend's events to anyone, opting instead to keep them to themselves. And it was better that way, because Yugi had a feeling that had he revealed what had happened a strange judgment would have been handed to him by Joey and Tristan. A strange, _when did you know you felt that way and why_ sort of reasoning that would have tripped him up and left him alone and more confused. Joey would have hated Atem. Tristan would have wanted to hit him. He didn't need them to fight his battles for him anymore.

Not this kind, anyway.

Their homeroom teacher listlessly took roll and forced them to sit through morning announcements. They were handed a small flyer on the upcoming winter formal. Yugi shoved it in his backpack like he did with most other homeroom papers -- not out of spite for the dance, but because papers and flyers didn't interest him or get his attention. He figured he'd go with Tea again, like last year. But she was older now, it seemed. He could already see the eyes of the more acceptable boys flashing her way. If there wasn't her, then there was no one.

"I'd appreciate it if the talking could be kept to a dull roar, please." The teacher looked up and then scowled as she said this, sending a small hush over the classroom. Joey muttered something about her being a dumb bitch and Tea shushed him harshly.

"Whatever. Listen, I say we skip this whole winter formal thing and go to my place and do something ourselves."

"We go every year."

"Yeah, but who wants to do the same thing every single year?" Tea sighed and shook her head. She adored tradition, abhorred deviation. Joey was erratic and despised repetition. Tristan could have cared less. Yugi felt eyes on him and when he looked up, Atem's gaze flickered away to some distant point on the ceiling of the classroom. Ignoring this, and upon hearing the bell, Yugi gathered his books and pretended Atem wasn't there as he and Tristan headed to their biology class and left Joey and Tea behind at english.

"I'm kind not into this whole dance thing," Tristan muttered.

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I don't really like...asking people." Yugi nodded, understanding.

"You don't have to go."

"I know, but I don't want to go to Joey's house either. His dad's a creep." Yugi sighed, still understanding where Tristan was coming from. "I think I'll just sit this one out."

"You could go stag." Tristan nodded as they entered class.

"Who are you asking?"

"Probably Tea again. Or just go stag myself. It's more fun that way, I think."

"S'pose, yeah." With Tristan's worries weighing in on Yugi's own mind, he went about his day, wondering what it was about these sort of things -- dances. Why they made people so insecure or nervous. How it could turn someone as determined and strong-willed as Tristan into a depressed lonely mess. He sighed as he reached his locker at the end of the day, trading in various books and pulling out what he needed. He slammed it, annoyed.

"You okay?" Atem's voice rang in his ears like an unwelcome alarm.

"You care...because?"

"Just that you seem frustrated."

"Right. I forgot how sensitive you were to my emotions. Sorry. I'll remember that next time I'm upset about something." Atem frowned and walked next to Yugi as they left the school. "Are you going to follow me home now, too?" Atem shook his head and pulled his bag up. "Then what do you want?"

"I don't know. Just to talk I guess." Yugi stopped and stared. "What?"

"You _followed_ me to the grocery store. And the park. And you _came to my house_-"

"Where you were-"

"_I_ wasn't doing _anything_. My point is that you have had a thousand and one chances to 'talk' to me, and you decide to do it now? After I asked you? What, did I hurt your feelings? Did you want to ask me first?" Atem's silence told all. "Wow. Wow, I mean, that is just...wow. Okay. Well, you have a good day."

"Yugi!"

"I don't _want_ to talk to you, okay? I laid it all out for you. I told you how I felt. I asked you. And you said no. So please forgive me if I just can't seem to take your 'advances' seriously anymore." Atem was speechless. He watched as Yugi stalked off, and decided not to follow. He knew his boundaries, where he could and couldn't cross. Yugi had done all that.

He'd worn his heart on his sleeve and Atem at ripped it off.

Honesty just wasn't his forte.


	6. Small

**A/N: **Sometimes they just break my heart. :((((

**Summary: **Yugi's fist collided with his face and he knew: finally he'd crossed that line.

**Small**

Winter rolled in and then out of Domino City quickly enough for Yugi. He was tired of the rain and cold. Spring was sneaking up on everyone fast, their break coming up before anyone knew it. Joey tossed his bag over his shoulders and took a deep breath as they left school that last Friday. "This is good. Nice and cool, no more rain. This is gonna be good." Yugi peeled off his jacket, already sweating in the small heat wave that had decided to reward the town after the bone-chilling winter they'd all gone through.

"Time to hit the pool," Tristan said, looking relieved already. Tea nodded in agreement.

"Maybe tomorrow?" They all nodded, separating at the usual point and promising the meet up later. Yugi ventured toward the game shop, his jack and bag slung over his back, smiling. School had been tough, but a well deserved break was coming up and he was pleased with himself. He'd lasted another half of a semester. Graduation would soon be upon them in just a few short months. _Freedom,_ he thought to himself. It was so tangible, so close, he could taste it in his throat.

"Good to be out, huh?" A voice came up behind him tearing him back to reality. Atem stood awkwardly next to him, trying to be casual. Yugi gave a small smile.

"Yeah. It is. You glad, too?" Atem nodded politely.

"Er...any plans?" he asked carefully. Yugi raised a curious eyebrow, but shook his head.

"No. Not really. Just some swimming."

"It'll be good for that. Nice weather and stuff. I-"

"Atem. Would you please stop making small talk with me and tell me what you followed me down here to tell me?" Atem blushed.

"I didn't-"

"Yeah. You did. You live on the other side of the school. I know that. I went to your tenth birthday party. Your house is yellow with blue shutters and a weird panda bear statue in the front your mom got in Tokyo. So. Why are you here?" Atem sighed, caught in the act.

"I'm here to...apologize. I was...not kind to you." Yugi nodded.

"No. You weren't."

"Well, I'm sorry. About that. What I said. And stuff." Again, Yugi nodded. "I mean...are you just, _not_ going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. 'It's okay.' Or, 'I forgive you.'"

"It's okay. I forgive you," Yugi deadpanned, continuing to walk. Atem sighed and shook his head. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that not good enough for you? Was that not what you wanted to hear? Have I ruined your plans again?"

"You don't have to be such an ass."

"_I_ don't have to be an ass?! You're telling me not to be an _ass to you_? Atem, sometimes you're just...just...ugh!" Yugi walked faster. "Leave me alone, okay? I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. I hate you." He turned, leaving Atem feeling bitter and empty. Had he deserved that? Was that what he should have gotten? Maybe. Maybe it was.

But he had to get something from Yugi. Had to tell him. Had to show him how sorry he was. How much he wanted him back. Back to, at least, the way things had been before. Before Atem had let his pride get ahead of the way he felt about Yugi. He narrowed his eyes. No. Not this time. Yugi was walking, determined, back home. Atem wouldn't let him get away. Not this time. He came up to Yugi and grabbed his wrist. "What?!" the smaller boy said with such ferocity and sharpness it caused Atem to nearly let go. But he wouldn't. He grabbed Yugi and did what he'd always wanted to do. He kissed him.

Yugi's eyes widened and he felt his wrist slacken in Atem's grip. His brain started screaming and his body wanted to wrench away. Even his heart was telling him this was a bad idea. But that was the day Yugi discovered there was another part of yourself that ignored both the mind and the heart and did what it wanted. He didn't know what to call that part, but for now it was in control. For a few seconds.

Atem held Yugi's wrist in one hand and had the other at the small of his back, pressing him to his chest. There was an almost reaction of reciprocation on Yugi's part. He had gone limp. But after just a moment, Atem felt a fist collide with his face and he fell to the ground. He spit and saw blood. Yugi stood over him, face a mixture of sadness and disgust.

"Wha-"

"Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again."

"But you-"

"Fuck you." And, resisting the urge to deliver one final kick, Yugi instead walked away, his mind fuming with a swirl of emotions. Atem got up on shaky legs and began walking back home, nursing his swollen lip with little doubt in his mind.

He'd deserved that one.


	7. Fervor

**A/N:** Okay. I'm, like, an ass. And I'm sorry. But I'll be damned if Yugi and Atem get together easy. Life is hard and it hurts. I like to dip my characters in angst batter and fry them up in oil. It's the way I roll. XDD This one is rated M because Yugi's getting dumb and doing girls he shouldn't. I mean...

**Summary:** He dove into the things he didn't want because he was to ashamed to go after the one thing he needed.

**Fervor**

College. The word that had been sending awkward shivers up Yugi's spine since he'd first visited the local one he'd attend his junior year. It was nerve racking, to say the least. It was two hours from Domino City, far enough for Yugi's grandfather to be worried sick and far enough for Yugi to feel the freedom he'd been craving since childhood. Sitting in the grass outside his dorm, he watch Joey make eyes at passing freshman girls, even managing to get a few smiles.

"I'm tellin' ya Yug. This is my year."

"Every year is your year to get laid, Joey."

"Yeah, but _this_. This is college. Even you might get some action." He laughed and punched Yugi in the shoulder.

"I hate you."

His roommate was a small and silent boy who spent most of his time reading, but had good taste in music and video games. A small friendship formed between them as the first weeks progressed, one of the few he had made in his life outside Joey, Tristan, and Tea. Tristan was studying to go to law school because his father was making him and Tea had been accepted to the dance department. She stayed in the arts dorm where, to her surprise, she ran into Atem the second day there. He was carrying a box of clothes down the hall awkwardly. Tea shyly opened the door for him, feeling strange around him, mostly because she knew what had transpired between him and Yugi.

"Thanks," he murmured, setting the box down.

"Why are you in the arts dorm?"

"I'm an art history major." She nodded and waved goodbye.

"Is...Is Yugi here?" She hesitated, then nodded. A small smile moved over his face and then vanished.

"I'll tell him you asked after him."

"Thanks."

But Yugi had little interest in Atem. Mostly because he was tired of hurting the other boy and himself, and because he was terrified of what would happen if he tried it all again. Atem had been the one to try and kiss him, this was true. But for reasons he simultaneously knew and didn't know, he rejected him. He didn't want something to be taken from him. He wanted to give it.

Or rather, throw it away.

Because that would explain the fervor with which Yugi began to dive into awkward and painful relationships. Relationships with girls who were base and empty and alone. The first one was the third weekend there. His roommate was out of town. He invited a girl from a study group upstairs. They fooled around until she whispered quietly in his ear, "Fuck me." He didn't know what to do. But he'd thought about things his whole life, so he let instinct guide him. He was a virgin and she wasn't, but there was no reason for her to ever know that. She clawed at his back and gasped. He had the first real orgasm of his life. And still, she did not need to know. Afterward she kissed him quietly and told him he was good. Best she'd had in a while. Must have done a ton of girls. He shrugged nonchalantly, pretending she was right.

Joey nearly died when he found out. Tristan shook his head, disappointed in himself. Tea was confused. She told him Atem had asked about him. He told her he didn't care.

There were many girls. There were even a few guys. He derived pleasure from them both, enjoyed controlling the situation when it came to both. Ultimately, he turned to the girls for what he needed. What he truly needed. Someone who needed him. Someone who craved him and desired him and moaned his name whenever she was close. Whenever she was almost there. Dug her nails in deep. Made him feel something. It was empty. But it was something.

In the end, it was not what he really wanted. Or what he needed.

No, he'd been pushing that person away for too long to really deserve him anymore.

* * *

**Sub A/N:** I'm aware this isn't very Yugi at all. But that's the way this is going.


	8. Finality

**A/N:** A special thank you to all my reviewers. School's been a beast, but I'm working through it.

**Summary:** They stepped like children into the shallow end of friendship and tried to make their way into deeper water.

**Finality**

Yugi whistled a small song that he'd forgotten the words to ages ago as he walked down the stairs from Tea's dorm. Her roommate hastily sent him off when she answered to door with a quick, "She's not here," and vanished back into the room with her boyfriend. Taking the hint, Yugi settled on sauntering back downstairs, hoping she'd come up the stairs on his way down. The familiar face he ran into, however, was not Tea.

Atem was rushing up the same side as Yugi and they collided head long at the top of the stairs. "Shit!" Atem flew up and grabbed his bag, reaching down to help whoever he'd knocked over. "I'm so so so so sorry. I mean I..." He faded off as Yugi stood and straightened his clothes. "Yugi." Yugi's head shot up.

"Atem."

"Hi."

"Hi." They stood in an uncomfortable silence, trying to simultaneously retain vague eye contact and not look directly at one another. "How are you?"

"Good. Busy. You?"

"Same." Atem nodded. "I was...going to go get lunch with Tea, but she's gone...do you...want to go with me?" Atem's face lit up and he smiled.

"Yes." His sure tone surprised the both of them and a small blush crept up around Yugi's neck.

"You don't have to."

"No, I want to." They smiled and headed down the stairs, finally settling into the cheerful banter that once had existed between them.

And so it began again. Some sort of rebirth of their friendship. A flight from the ashes. Renewed hope in the future filled Yugi. His hands became busier. The girls less frequent. The desire to be wanted and desired was disappearing, filled by the solidity that Atem's smile and steady voice. Yugi liked hearing him talk. Like hearing him move around his room and look for things he's hidden so he _wouldn't_ lost them. "You're ridiculous," Yugi would say. Atem made a face and continued searching for whatever it was.

"I'm such a dumbass." Yugi made a noise of agreement. Atem scowled and tossed a textbook at Yugi's chest.

"What the hell?" They dissolved into hysterics as Atem finally pulled out a notebook that he'd slipped between the desk and dresser so he wouldn't forget it. "Figures," Yugi said, grinning. Atem sat heavily on the bed next to him and shrugged.

"Just how I do things." They were both aware of how close they were. How things could turn out. Atem looked at the comforter and tried not to notice Yugi's contemplative gaze on the side of his face. He felt a blush creep up his neck and looked at the notebook. Yugi raised his hand and pushed the bangs from Atem's face and smiled, leaning close.

"This is how it was always supposed to be," he whispered, before connecting their lips.

To say that Atem had wanted for this for a long time would be a gross understatement. And to say he knew what he should do next would have been a lie. But Yugi seemed to know, seemed to understand that Atem had done so little, and so he guided them, cradling Atem's face in his hand, pulling him closer and down, teaching him without needing to speak. Soft noises left the both of them, acknowledging that this was what was happening. This was the moment and the present and anything that had happened before was just progress.

And yet...

Atem pulled away quickly, blushing and scrambling off the bed, leaving Yugi feeling confused and a bit bitter. "What is the _matter_ with you?"

"I...I need to study. For my biology test. Or...something." Yugi was at the door. "Wait!"

"No. You don't get another chance," he said angrily, spitting venom.

"Yugi-" Yugi silenced him with a hand. He walked very close to Atem, his brows knit in fury and hurt.

"I don't know what your problem is. I don't know why you can't get a hold of yourself or grow a fucking backbone for more than three seconds, but I am done with you. Because I don't wait around for people to figure shit out, do you understand that? If you want this. If you want me. Then this is it. I'm not doing this again." Atem's mouth worked silently, words refusing to come out. "I thought so."

"Please, Yugi."

"You're pathetic," Yugi spat, slamming the door behind him. Tears stung behind Atem's eyes. The feeling that he had lost Yugi forever crept over him and slowly began to sink in. He looked out the window and watched Yugi walk quickly across the grass toward his dorm, a strange look to his stride.

Yugi ignored his roommate's questions and simply dropped his bag off and left again. He headed in the direction of Atem's dorm, ready to go back with something more intelligent to say. Something less impassioned. But he saw Tea on the way there and couldn't do it. She stopped him and placed a soft hand on his shoulder, asking him what was wrong. Her eyes told the truth. That she cared. And he took her hand from his shoulder and held it tight.

He lifted his own hand to the base of her neck.

And he pulled her toward him and kissed her gently. She didn't pull away.

From his window, Atem witnessed all and felt the finality of heartbreak.

* * *

**Sub A/N:** You are not allowed to kill me.


	9. Grown

**A/N:** A few more ought to wrap this up, I think. Let me know: should I archive it as one large fic after it's done? Would that make it easier to read. Review and then answer. Loveles.

**Summary:** She was a different sort of person when they were in the dark together. She was his greatest distraction now.

**Grown**

Tea stood between two people, figuratively speaking. She knew they wanted one another. She knew they were meant to be together. But she was who she was and she was lonely, so she let Yugi kiss her and she kissed him back. It felt good. It felt right. But it also felt like a punishment, so she didn't let it continue long. He apologized and she let it slide. She knew the pain in his heart. They'd been friends for too long for her not to see it.

But she let him take her to bed. And that was the final straw, really.

She wasn't in love with Yugi. She never had been. And she never thought she would be. He'd always been a rock for her. A person to hold onto and lean against when the winds and struggles of the rest of her life because too strong. When the heart ache became a hurricane and her arms could not bear the weight of the burdens she carried. He was there to help. And she liked that. But it felt wrong to sleep with Yugi. And it felt right. She was confused.

So she went to Atem.

She didn't expect him to be with someone, but he was. And she knew that it was the same thing with Yugi. And they silently acknowledged their positions. He the user. She the used. A young man rolled over on the bed, flushed with some feeling unknown to Tea. She assumed it was pleasure.

"This is stupid," she hissed as they stood in the hall way.

"You kissed him. You're sleeping with him."

"I know that," she snapped. "But I don't want to."

"You realize just how ridiculous you sound right now, don't you?" She couldn't look at him then, instead choosing the fiddle with the staples on an RA board in the hall. "He's something else, isn't he?"

"He's wonderful," she whispered. "He feels...I don't know. It feels so bizarre. Like I want this. But I know I shouldn't be allowed to have it."

"Why the hell not?" She looked at him then and smiled sadly.

"Because he belongs with you." Atem shook his head and laughed painfully.

"You're so full of shit. I'm going back."

"Wait!" And he froze at those words. Because she said them so much like he did. With so much longing and hurt. "Please. We can fix this."

"I...I'm sorry. But not now." He went back inside and locked the door. She heard indiscreet whispers and soft laughter. She left before she heard anything else.

- - - - - - - -

Yugi wasn't sure what he was doing. Nothing about being with Tea was right in any way whatsoever. They weren't open about it. No one knew about the twisted love triangle Yugi had inadvertently created. He know that he shouldered much of the blame for the current situation. That Atem could be sensitive and prideful. But he had been tired at the time of playing anymore games. He didn't want that. It frustrated him. So he slept with Tea and it felt a little better. The guilt weighed heavier each day, but the carnal feeling made him a bit more pleasant to be around. And Tea was wonderful.

She always looked like she didn't want to, right before. That look in her eyes that almost made him stop. But he would avert his gaze and instead bite along her neck, run his hands over her skin. Drag his palms down her side and feel the shivers in her back. She would whisper that it wasn't right sometimes, but she would always open for him. Each time. And he almost hated her for it. If it didn't feel so good. And afterward, they would lay there together. Sometimes he'd hold her. Sometimes she'd leave. If he was in her room, he'd leave. Or he'd stay. It all depended. She became a sort of crutch for him, and he her. On a bad day, they would find one another, hunt the other down and force themselves back into sheets and shadows and sharp breaths. He loved the idea of her, but he didn't love her.

And, really, she was alright with that.

Atem and Yugi avoided one another like the plague. Second semester, Yugi dropped a class they were in together before Atem even saw him. Really, he felt terrible. Like somehow, most of this was his doing. But he was getting on with everything. Feeling better. Finally moving away from it. He saw Atem with some boy and he was only broken about it for a moment. He was walking with Tea, headed to dinner. She saw what he saw, too, and pretended not to, opting instead to comment on the new flowers by the fountain at the student union. He pretended to be interested. They ate. They had sex. He stayed the night and woke to her clinging to his side and thought that, maybe, he could wake up like this forever. He could settle for this. Not her. She was beyond him and deserved more. But he could settle for someone who wasn't Atem. And Atem, slowly, began to feel the same way.

Yugi knew that things were beginning to mend the day they waved at one another, many months later during their sophomore year. And things didn't feel old and tense. They stopped to chat sometimes. Yugi would walk with Tea and Atem with someone as well. They didn't have to pretend that things hadn't happened. Could sometimes laugh about it. About how much they'd grown in such a short time.

Life could be funny that way.


	10. Heal

**A/N:** I want to end on a nice, round number. If this isn't how you wanted it to end, I apologize. But the way it's gone...this feels like an acceptable place. I have enjoyed writing this little series quite a bit. It is now archived into one complete story, though that's not how it was meant to end up. But I like it this way and I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have. I don't know about a sequel. I might right a little something about Yugi's adventures in Italy and becoming a bigger person and finally a man. It'll be ripe with OC's and you might not enjoy that, but it could be interesting. And there may be another part after that, but I like where it's ended, I believe. Some good and negative feedback would be lovely. :)

**Summary: **In the end, it would all be okay. But he had to grow up and out of it all before he could settle back into it.

**Heal**

Yugi held the letter lightly in his hands, as if almost hoping to lose it. For some strange wind to blow through his room and whisk it away. He had applied for the study-abroad program on a whim. And now it was here. And he was going. And it all felt surreal and loose, like a strange fitting skin that wasn't his.

"What's that?" Tea asked, setting her magazine down.

"A letter."

"From who?"

"Italy." She laughed and he laughed, but then a seriousness fell over the room. "I got it." She looked surprised for a moment, and then confused.

"I thought you said you wouldn't get it."

"I got it," he repeated. She sighed and leaned back against the pillows, frowning. "What?"

"You were so sure you wouldn't get it." He set the letter down and stood awkwardly near the bed. "I mean...this means you're leaving." He nodded. "Like, for a whole year." He nodded again. She shook her head. "I don't know."

"Me either." They looked at one another for a long time, but Yugi couldn't really concentrate on her face. He glanced away, feeling like he'd committed some kind of sin. She reached up and took his hand.

"You should go." A soft smile crossed her lips and she nodded, as if reassuring herself. "You will go. Because you deserve it. More than anything."

- - - - - - - -

Joey ran from one side of the gym to the other. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Sweat soaked his shirt, ran down his chest, was pooled in his palms as his nails dug into the skin. He ran hard and fast and with great concentration and precision. Suicides always made him feel better. Ever since he'd come to college. Running made everything bearable. The noise of his sneakers pounding against the shining wood of the gym floor created a kind of music that moved from one end of the building to the other, a steady rhythm, complimented by his heart. He heard a voice and it took a moment for him to snap out of his trance and realize Yugi was calling to him from the open door. He looked at him blankly for a moment, and then registered his arrival.

"You're obsessed," his friend said, grinning.

"Shut up." But Joey couldn't help but smile along with him.

They walked along the path near the gym and Joey tried to work through what Yugi was tell him. "So you're leaving."

"Yes. I think."

"You think. What does that mean?"

"I have to accept it first."

"So accept it."

"It's...harder than that."

"Tea?" Yugi nodded. "What does she think?"

"She thinks I should go."

"So go." Yugi bit his lip and Joey saw, for a split second, a flash of fear and confusion, before it was quickly covered with a nonchalant shrug of dismissal.

"We'll see." Joey sighed and looked toward the gym and considered never going back inside it ever again. But he looked back to his friend and saw a person he couldn't really understand anymore. They rarely saw one another. Yugi was always with Tea or people he'd met over the years. Something had separated them and, quite frankly, Joey saw no point in coming back to where they had once been. It seemed like a lifetime ago. He understood now what people meant when they said you grew apart from your old friends in college. He'd always assumed that that kind of thing happened to other people, but never him. Not the four of them.

But that's how it was now. He couldn't argue with the facts when they stared him straight in the face. When they stood uncomfortably in front of him, expecting some kind of assurance. But he could offer none.

"It's your choice, Yug. If you want to go, go. I just don't want you to live with anything you'll regret later."

"Regret. Yeah. I've got enough of that, I think."

And Joey didn't ask what he meant because he knew it all already. And if there was anything else he didn't know, he figured it was because he didn't need to. He said his goodbyes knowing full well this would be one of the last times he saw his old friend. Time had been alternately good and bad to Yugi. Joey didn't need to know what his future would hold.

- - - - - - - -

There were subtle things that had changed about Yugi that only his closest and oldest friends would have been able to see. People meeting him for the first time assumed that he'd always been so charming or so sophisticated. That his flirting had come naturally since his youth. That his intelligence, while, in truth, having always been there, was inborn, rather than something he'd perfected. He was sharp, cynical, and charismatic. Most people assumed he'd become a politician. Tea knew otherwise.

She knew the same timid Yugi existed beneath the hard exterior he'd forged. He could be shy and awkward with her, even after nearly two years. At twenty-one, he could still be as goofy as he'd been at sixteen, and she cared for him all the more in those moments.

But she didn't love him. And he didn't love her. And they lived with this truth and lie between them each day. He never said it and neither did she. There were subtle ways of showing affection and there were the normal ways. He left her little presents and they had sex. It was a strangely balanced relationship that, outwardly, looked so very normal and extraordinary, but within was crumbling. The letter from Italy was the last crack. The earthquake came next.

Yugi accepted and didn't say anything else about it. He got packets of information for many weeks, many phone calls. He spoke in rapid Italian over the line and laughed about things Tea couldn't understand. He argued at length about literature he'd be reading there and talked about places she'd never seen and probably never would. Her dancing career was at a standstill and she had changed her major to teaching. Yugi comforted her with assurances that teaching would take her further, but she often wished he'd convinced her to stick with her passion. She felt like she'd sold out. Meanwhile, Yugi was chasing his only love across the world.

"It's going to be amazing," he told her while she tried to read for class. "You should here this grad student, Patruchio. Great name, I know. I mean, seriously. He's written three books already, can you believe that?" She made the normal noises of agreement and continued with her work. Yugi talked at length about professors and students. Eventually, she snapped her book shut and stood. "Where are you going?"

"I can't concentrate."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I'll be quiet."

"It's not the talking, Yugi. It's the subject matter." He looked confused.

"I thought you were happy about this."

"I am. But I really don't want to hear about it anymore. I'm going home."

"Wow. Okay." He turned and waved.

"What the fuck does that mean?" she said suddenly, throwing her book to the bed.

"Don't act like you're so excited and then get all pissy when I want to talk about it."

"Excuse me! I'm so sorry! I forgot that you were the one who didn't even _want_ this three weeks ago. You were wandering around here acting like it was the fucking end of all ends for three days and then just accepted it. Now you won't shut up about it. I'm going home."

"I thought you were happy for me."

"And I thought you wanted me to dance," she said, rage and frustration making her voice harsh and violent.

"What?"

"You won't make any money with this fucking literature degree. I could have been a dancer, Yugi. That's what I wanted to do. And a long time ago, you would have been right there cheering me on. But for you, it's all about you. Just you. And no one else. You don't want me to have a chance, you don't even talk to Joey anymore, and you wouldn't even give Atem another try-"

"He had his chance!"

"Love isn't so fucking numerical!" she screamed. "He loved you! And you wanted to be with him. But you gave up and now he doesn't really care. And neither do you. About anyone. Me, Joey, Tristan, Atem!" She grabbed her book. "I don't want to see you anymore. And I don't want you to come to my room or wait outside my classes. Because you are not the boy I fell in love with in high school. You aren't that kid who stood up for me and Joey and Tristan, even when everything was against you. You're just some second-rate pretentious asshole who thinks he can fill the holes in his life with all these things you try and do to make yourself feel like more of a man. You're different. And I don't like you." She slammed the door and stormed down the hall. She didn't expect him to come after her and was relieved, actually,when he didn't.

And when she realized that what she'd said had been honest, she broke down and cried before she even got back to her room.

- - - - - - - -

Yugi didn't know these things about himself.

But when he heard the words come out of Tea's mouth, he realized their truth and their weight and cried and wondered what happened to him.

The venom in her words sank into his heart and, oddly, created a cleansing feeling. He could make it all better, but he had to do it away from here. This was the place where everything had gone so wrong, and this was the place where it needed to end. But it could stop happening far away. Who he used to be was still hidden beneath the strange skin he'd grown for himself. The skin he'd felt when he'd received the letter was the skin he knew he wore now. And it could be shed. It was only a skin, after all.

Tea said she didn't want to see him, and he knew she hadn't been lying. But he didn't go to her dorm to see her. He went to see someone else.

Atem had stopped talking to him at one point. Not out of anger, but out of time and direction. There lives had separated and neither regretted it. But now Yugi felt that hollow spot where he knew Atem had always belonged. And he knew he'd been filling it with pointless nonsense for the past two years simply out of necessity. Atem was surprised to find Yugi at his door that evening. He squinted and then grinned.

"Hey you." He frowned, suddenly, upon seeing Yugi's expression. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry." Yugi leaned against the door frame and began to cry softly. "I'm just...sorry." Atem nodded and brought him inside, shutting the door behind them. "Everything you ever did, I never meant to push you away. And I never wanted to...to make it seem like I didn't want you. Or that I didn't feel that same way. Because I did. And I sometimes think I still do, but I just don't know what to do about it. And people keep telling me that I seem so calm or relaxed, but they don't know that...that inside I'm just this - this ball of wires and I'm freaking out and I can't figure anything out. And I think that...that you do. And Tea and Joey and Tristan do. But I just push you all away and try and make myself what other people think I am and I only lose everything. And I'm sorry and-" Atem put a hand on his shoulder and silenced him.

"Yugi. It's okay." And that was all he needed. Atem pulled him close and felt the satisfaction of being the one to initiate the kiss. Yugi stiffened. His contact had only been with Tea for two years ago. A foreign tongue entered his mouth and surprised him at first, but he gradually felt better about it. Everything they'd been holding back for so long imploded that night and erupted into a bizarre turn of events that left Yugi feeling complete and broken all at once.

They made love quickly and harshly at first. Atem let Yugi take him and he was quick. It didn't last long the first time around. And it wasn't romantic. They spoke about childhood and Italy and art and Tea and all the things on their minds. Atem took him next and it was a bit of a longer moment. They kissed. Teased. Slept. In the morning, Yugi dressed carefully and Atem showered.

"You'll go, won't you?" Yugi nodded. "You should."

"I know."

"I'll be good for you."

"I hope so."

Atem walked him downstairs and kissed him lightly on the forehead. "Take care of yourself, Yugi."

"I'll try."

- - - - - - - -

Three months later, he thought he'd leave alone. But as he stepped outside he found that someone had sent his cab away, and that Joey, Tristan, and Tea were all waiting by Joey's car, smiling and holding gifts of farewell for him. They took a detour to their old highschool and the old haunts on the way there. A year ago, Yugi's grandfather passed, so they left some flowers by the grave and went to get burgers and told stories. At the airport, Tea kissed him gently on the lips and they smiled, knowing the dust was settling. Joey cried unashamedly and Tristan tried not to, but failed miserably. Only Tea remained dry-eyed.

"I'll miss you," she said. "But have a good year."

"I will."

"Yeah. Don't forget to write and mail us stuff..." Joey couldn't form logical sentences anymore. Tristan opted not to speak.

"I love you guys."

"And we love you," Tea said. Yugi nodded and turned away from them, heading toward his gate.

A thousand and one things could happen in the next year, but he would only really try to exist. To be and feel and see what he could. To shed that layer of skin that was not his. To become the person he used to be. To return to that time, but remain in this one. It would be hard, he knew. But that was life. That was his existence. A struggle, he now knew. A feeling of pushing against the wave of time and change. He could not determined what the future would be. But he was fine with that.

Atem had told him to take care of himself. And he would do his best. In his heart, that's what he promised the one person who could fill that hole. And if he couldn't do it in a year, he'd spend as long as he had to trying. He wouldn't come home until he'd healed himself. Until that skin was gone.

It was the least he could do.


End file.
